I'm 27, and I spent all of my twenties in prison, but Wild at Heart set me free. To be honest, no book other than the Scriptures has affected me more than Wild at Heart has. I hid behind a false self of a charming personality and overachiever to gain acceptance. The message of my wound told me "nothing would ever be good enough, you are not accepted, you are not loved." The traitor within conspired with the world to motivate me towards status and reputation. All that came crashing down while using my intelligence for the wrong reasons, developing a pretty elaborate embezzlement scheme at my workplace to finance my "image" and gain acceptance. Didn't work. No matter how much status, no matter how many "friends", I never truly felt acceptance or love. And it landed me in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.
But is was a new beginning, a time to evaluate and start over. I had called myself a Christian and believed everyone else's perception of me as a "fine young man" to be true. They were unaware of my motives for who I was trying to be. My incarceration became a time of deep introspection and a time for God to heal and father me in a process to restore me to the man He had created me to be.
In 2005 I asked a friend to send me the book Wild at Heart and I read it for the first time with a friend. The message of its pages only scratched the surface. I eventually became involved in the Chapel Ministries at my unit joining the Chapel Drama Team and being a sound tech for the choir and band. In February 2008 I entered a brand new faith based dorm initiative titled T.E.A.M. (Transformation Empowerment And Maturity) Program. All the men involved in the program classes live together in the same dorm for the duration of the course. It was in this dorm I began to read Wild at Heart really trying to apply its message to my inner-self and outer-life. I began to read it with individuals who I believed would benefit from its theme and each session of reading became a time of incredible healing, confession, and understanding. The book became a tool to help men of all ages to see their wound, the message it brought, how God could fill the areas where the earthly father failed, how to fight our adversary, and how to truly fight for the beauty.
Around this time I wrote to Wild at Heart Ministries asking for a Wild at Heart Facilitator Kit to possibly be used in our program. They were gracious enough to send it to us. Thank you guys. I embarked on an quest to get the book and DVD sessions implemented as a part of the program and had an outside volunteer willing to have it as part of his curriculum. I was met with great opposition from a member of program who had issues with John's theology. Imagine that. After a little confrontation and a lot of prayer I met with the program director and asked him to review the material and make the call. His mind seemed made up as he felt convinced that Wild at Heart promoted violence. But he agreed to review it. The next time he saw me he said "I looked at the DVD sessions and reviewed the book and I have to tell you....... I was impressed. That day, Wild at Heart became a part of the T.E.A.M. program.
It was also around this time (March '09) I became eligible for parole. After a participant completes the T.E.A.M. program there is the possibility that he may be asked to remain as a servant for a six month term to help facilitate and be given a group of six men to disciple. It was in my heart and I believed it to be God's will that I would be a servant in T.E.A.M. The day for my parole interview arrived and the Head Commissioner for my region showed up, which is a very rare event. He informed me that he was my deciding vote, that he voted against me previously, and that he would decide if I stayed or went this time. The interview lasted for about 45 minutes and when the subject of T.E.A.M. arrived I explained that I would graduate in June '09. Then I informed him that I believed I would be asked to be a servant in the program and explained to him what that was. I told him that I wanted to stay and be given that opportunity. I explained that the environment created in that dorm could not be duplicated any where else and that I was beginning to see healing and restoration in several men's lives as we generated deep bonds in Christ. I wanted to be a servant to the men there, even if it meant a set-off for parole. I know God was with me in that moment because no one in their own strength could ask to stay in prison to help others find freedom in Christ. He told me he didn't know what to do with me, but a week later I was given an affirmative answer for parole, setting me up to go home as soon as I finished my term as a servant in the program. God is God.
I was able to help facilitate the first Wild at Heart course, and interact with several young men and guide them on the journey of embracing God as their true Father. I healed and grew so much during this time as well. I wish I could share all the testimonies here but that is for another time and place. I was released in January 2010 and I am now trying to get back on my feet with a whole new approach to life and manhood. I am excited to see what God has for me next.
- Robert