Craig's Blog

Teeth Cleaning

“What is shame? Shame is, quite simply, the feeling that there is something wrong with you. In more extreme cases, it is the feeling that there is something TERRIBLY, IRREVOCABLY, DEEPLY, FUNDAMENTALLY, wrong with you…Anyone who likes you or sees value in you just isn't looking closely enough to really see the "real" you.” – Bill Harris Self contempt, shame, condemnation have been companions of mine for much too long. They' always seem to be lurking about... hounding me in some of the most innocuous affairs of everyday living… like having my teeth cleaned at the Dentist office. (A journal entry I recently read from a couple of years ago) Okay, so it’s been 2 years… rounded off (actually, as the dental tech refers to my records she corrects me stating that it has actually been 2 years 4 months) since my last cleaning. She’s a great dental tech, always chipper, warm, very enjoyable and relational. So we quickly get caught up on our lives as I semi recline into the chair and get my bib fitted. The small talk masks the anxiety of The vulnerable moment approaching… that moment when I have to… open my mouth. You know… you open your mouth and then there’s the pregnant silence of waiting for her reaction/analysis of your mouth/character/life. It’s never just about your teeth… it’s about you as a person. There you lay, mouth open, exposed. She’ll know everything about you… somehow my oral history speaks volumes about me… procrastinator, irresponsible, sloth, pig-mouth… pig-man, a sure and certain toothless wonder in about 5 years… … and so it’s That Moment… it’s silent beyond the comfort level, way beyond the comfort level. She’s doing the preliminary scaling with plaque-clods flying out of my mouth. “Ummm… you’ve got a rain forest in here” I’m immediately picturing my mouth as a Petri bowl brimming with every know periodontal bacteria, mutans and flora and several unnamed/new opportunistic strains.* Despite her two hands, a mirror and scraper filling my mouth I break the silence with a muttered guttural ”thaaaat baaada ehhhh?” To which she adds the final nail, “yeah you’ve got barnacles hanging here.” I’m a failure as a man. He who is faithful in little will be given much… if I’m not faithful in flossing my freaking teeth do I really think God would entrust anything to me. CHESSECAKE!!! I’m so finished, my life’s a charade, poser, pig-mouth… pig-man. I see it. I’m fighting it. – Craig * Porphyromonas gingivalis and Actinobacillus actinomycetemcomitans, are two of the most aggressive offenders in periodontal disease, the leading cause of adult tooth loss.

Craig McConnell

He's Back...

Well... to no ones surprise Morgan mounted his steed and sitting high in the saddle one couldn't help but think of Genghis Khan, The Lone Ranger, Teddy leading the Rough Riders... or, the Man From Snowy River... (For background see post Back In The Saddle) Our weekend north of Toronto in Muskoka with allies and men from as far away as Wisconsin was grand. Morgan shimmered; hit it out of the park; scored a knock out, hat-trick; he nailed it... God was with him! With vulnerability and insight Morgan offered out of his heart and life stirring up in the men a desire for more. It was a weekend of restoration and redemption for all of us. He's back. And it is good! Thank you for praying for us! -Craig McConnell

Craig McConnell

Back In The Saddle

So… “little buster”; my friend,favorite disco dancer and Wild at Heart colleague Morgan is getting back in the saddle after a hiatus of several years. He got bucked off a horse four summers ago when the two of us went to Alaska to lead a retreat for a group of collegians on a summer discipleship project. We hiked into a remote river, fished for 72 hours straight (King Salmon & Midnight Sun) hiked out and then sat in a hot unventilated sterile room and took in a session or two of Morgan teaching. Do I need to say we were spent… exhausted… wasted… fried… and so, while Morgan was sharing the deep things of his heart, mind and soul we, everyone of us, collectively fell asleep. That experience would make anyone skittish to step back into the role of public-speaker-wise-teacher-sage-Mr. Smarty pants. But it’s time. The two of us venture off today, and fly into Toronto (via the cursed O’Hare) and then drive up to a retreat center in Muskoka, Ontario. We’re throwing together some of our thoughts to describe the journey and transforming impact of walking with Christ. We haven’t done this before and therein lies the reason for this note. Please ask God to open our ears, eyes and hearts to all he would have us do and say… as we drive the 2-3 hours from the airport to the facility, as we speak Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Pray for both of us… for joy, redemption, wisdom, words, courage and grace… for our safe and on-time-without-delay flights… for God to show up big time! Oh Lord we consecrate ourselves, this time, the facility and every man attending to you and your purposes. Come Jesus, come for everyman. AND for our wives and children… May they be hidden in Christ… safe, guarded, loved. You can bet we’ll have some stories to share. Thank you - Craig McConnell

Craig McConnell

Do Gorillas Have Wings?

Two hours before the wedding my crying is muted by the shower I’m in. I’m a mess. It feels like two core emotions are woven together. There is gladness/joy. My daughter is marrying our close friend’s son, a young man I know, love, respect and admire (my gosh we’ve vacationed, and shared inumerable “family-fun-nights” for years!). And there is some other surging sentiment that could easily and too quickly be labeled grief/sorrow/loss. And so as the warm water begins to wane I’m processing these internal dynamics… and this is where words elude me. It feels like grief/sorrow but it isn’t really. The wedding is formalizing a very real change…a transition from my being the alpha male to whom Meagan looks for strength, protection, shelter, guidance and help to now being a beta male… I’m still her father but she’s now under his covering wing (do gorillas have wings?). I find myself asking God about this raw emotion... and not surprising... he shows up… in the shower and begins to speak in a wonderful way… Yes, there is something to grieve, a transition, a change, a shift to note and feel… but much, most of what I’m feeling is desire. Longing. A yearning for more of this. “This” being the joy and celebration of two close families becoming family. “This” being the intimacy we have and share, the passion, life, love, covenant, commitment, the communion of friends and close ones… the extreme happiness of all that awaits my daughter and Jared. It’s the beauty of the location, the friendships, good music, palm trees and huge deep pool, the smell of the flowers, God’s presence in all of it… it’s food, seeing all these kids who grew up with ours and are now healthy functioning adults, it’s about parenting well and celebrating, it’s about a beautiful wife… playful granddaughters, being in shorts and flip flops… it’s about a life I was meant to enjoy but only get tastes of here and there. Joy and yearning woven together in a now cold shower. And so… I'm about to walk her down the aisle. I'm standing at the head of the aisle holding her hand. She's shaking; she adjusts her arm in my hand, “Dad, can you believe this is happening?” Behind her veil, her eyes moist, look to me… and I see her at three when frightened, I see her at six taking her to school for the first time, I see her on the couch cuddling with me during a scary scene in a movie, we're back at South High at the crowning of the Prom Queen… she's 18 looking into my eyes as she leaves for an adventurous year of school in Europe alone… she's a woman forever my daughter. She looking strongly for strength, she's telling me she loves me and always will, she's saying thank you, she's laughing, crying, joyful, she's holding tight and I want time to freeze. The aisle should have never ended, and yet it did… as it should. - Craig

Craig McConnell

My Daughters Wedding

To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter. ~Euripides My daughter is getting married tomorrow. I’m walking her down The Aisle… giving her a kiss then giving her “away”. I’ve been sitting at my computer staring at the screen for a while now. I have no words, I do have tears.I feel like some part of me is being held hostage, tied to a chair with duct tape over my mouth, I simply cannot speak or write. So many moments in time surfacing… the day she was born; goofy hats and glasses; snuggling together. How horribly frightened I was through her teens… how unnecessary my fears were. Tickle fights; volleyball games,;homework sessions; answering or … trying to answer all her questions about why people are mean, God silent, and how caterpillars turn into butterflys. Oh, the pain in sending her off for school in Europe and leaving her behind when we moved to Colorado. She is a beautiful women. I love being her father… my question: are we forever speechless in presence of beauty?

Craig McConnell

Jamie

Today we, as a staff gathered to mark the transition of Jamie from being The Correspondence Department of Wild at Heart to a month of full time nesting and then mothering for a life time. I was so aware that this is a transition. Jamie will no longer be 3 doors down the hall. Gone is the potted “Charlie Brown” succulent sitting on her window sill. While the picture of Beaker remains centered perfectly on her door, the stuffed Kermit in a small vase is now gone along with the great photos that warmed the room of her and Tyler together smiling and dancing. Her recycling box… always full of plastic water bottles is absent. Gone is Junuh, her sheepish dog curled to her left next to the overstuffed chair and the sharply arranged stacks of mail in military order on her desk. Earlier this incredibly wonderful team of men and women I work with gathered around to enjoy a few of Jamie’s favorite things: sushi, Greek salad, Izzes soda, cashew poppy-cock, and southwest salad with chicken, a huge fruit salad and of course… chocolate. We munched and shared heart-felt words with Jamie. We thanked God and Jamie for taking our correspondence to a new level and for being the voice for Wild at Heart to thousands of people in scores of countries with so many diverse questions and stories. There were remembrances of laughing, journey, mission, how God was in her coming to Wild at Heart, swing dancing, that funky-stylish-cool-Jamie look and the beauty of her heart. She told a few stories about her favorite letters and a few of her “Pen Pals”. We circled around her and blessed this daughter of God for the seasons she’s been with us and for the season that begins in May. I’m sitting in the overstuffed chair taking in her vacated office thinking about the people God brings in and out of our lives… some we miss, some not so much. … I miss Jamie… AND am so very happy for her. I’m thinking of what my friend Vern said about people who are here and then gone, “…there was a distinct whiff of the life God delivered through you. I hear the echo of your words, and attitudes that belie having been influenced by God through you. It is amazing to me how God uses us to give life, and how long the echo of that life resounds in the lives around us.” This empty office echoes Jamie’s life. - Craig McConnell

Craig McConnell

Guess Jeans

Paul Lavelle our Director of Resources & Marketing just got back from a 10 day visit of a friend in Thailand. We’re sharing lunch and getting “caught up”. How long was the flight? Did you fly through Hong Kong? What was it like? What did you do? You must be exhausted, what’s the time difference? Did you pick me up a pair of knock-off Guess Jeans? (Hey! With my weight loss I can upgrade from my Carhartt Relaxed Fits). Ten minutes into stories of scuba diving, robust cuisine, meeting up with an old buddy, adjusting plans around security concerns, the breathtaking natural beauty and the hospitality of The Land of Smiles Paul pauses… shifts in his seat and with a subtle shift in the tone of his voice… then his eyes … tells of the sine qua non event of the trip. Paul comes upon a severely disabled young man dragging himself across a narrow bridge. I couldn’t tell you all the details… but at this point he’s said enough that two things are happening within me: first: I’m surprised I’m not glazing over in calloused self-protection from another–one-of-those-third-world-stories of poverty, horrific suffering and injustice… secondly I’m flush with recollections of my own encounters… Muggy hot afternoons in some dusty maze of a “city” being heartbroken full of grief and sorrow and guilt wondering "What is his life like?", "How far does he crawl a day?", "How much money does he make?", "Is he married… does he have children?” "How long can he live this kind of life?" “Are those even relevant questions?” “Does he know Christ and have any hope of a future or is all he knows and has limited to right here, right now? He has nothing...no life, no hope, only a continuing hell. I remember coming home feeling indelibly humbled… changed, sensing how very stinking well off I am, how much I have, how good I've got it. I'm hugging my wife and telling my daughters how much I love them... I'm on my knees thanking God for my every breath of life. And it lasts for about two weeks. Paul, eyes fully tear filled, shares of his moving towards the man placing his hand on the man’s brow and crying out to God on his behalf. Crying out. And then Paul’s eyes meet the man’s and in that glance Paul shares he saw God. There’s a pause in our conversation. A settling in. I’m crying at this moment and I cannot tell you why. - Craig McConnell

Craig McConnell

The Third Day

…suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell. The third day He arose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty…– The Apostle’s Creed …He suffered and was buried, and the third day he rose again according to the Scriptures, and ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of the Father. And he shall come again with glory to judge both the quick and the dead, whose kingdom shall have no end… - Nicene Creed …who suffered for our salvation, descended into hell, rose again the third day from the dead; he ascended into heaven… - The Athanasian Creed …one Christ, true God and true man, who was born of the Virgin Mary, truly suffered, was crucified, dead, and buried, that He might reconcile the Father unto us, and be a sacrifice, not only for original guilt, but also for all actual sins of men. He also descended into hell, and truly rose again the third day; afterward He ascended into heaven that He might sit on the right hand of the Father, and forever reign and have dominion over all creatures… - The Augsburg Confession

Craig McConnell

The Perfect Meatball

Bart, Gary, John and I spent two days and a night in the mountains for a Wild at Heart Leadership Retreat. It's simply our setting aside some much needed time to be together and invite God into our midst... and go from there. I've been in Colorado with Wild at Heart for 5+ years and I think these guys have gone after one issue or another in me 48 times. I really don't want any of this time to be about me. I'm living large, love what God' has done, is doing and I'd say I'm in a season of grace... I'm good... "Hey, this trip is about you guys... I'll sacrifice a step or two further into my holiness for one of you guys" So, we're outside in the mid-day sun circled in our white plastic chairs enjoying cigars yapping. Bart reflects on his walk with God and WHOMP... deep desires, long felt frustrations and deep seated agreements surface... we pray, listen to God, probe, battle and ... God comes for Bart. WOW! Did he ever need that! We throw together a late lunch and are relaxed and flopped about on the couches and overstuffed chairs within reach of an evangelistic fire chatting. John shares some of his current story... a couple of questions are asked, something is stirred up, there’s pauses, moist eyes… tender back and forth between us. God is there and is connecting a few dots for John.... We pray, we break agreements, invite God in. WHOA! Very cool! We go outside tromp around in the snow and start throwing pine cones... which, of course escalates into a contest... who can knock off the pine cone sitting on the fence post.... it turns out it's easier to throw pine cones or snow balls at one another (especially Bart, he's not nimble enough to dodge a hurled cone). We go out for dinner and yap about college basketball, aquariums, the perfect meatball, spiritual warfare and how very desperate we are for warm weather. The next morn I 'm up at 4:30 enjoying time alone journaling... which ends with some internal clank-bang-kurpluck at 6:37. Out of nowhere I’m immediately nauseous. The guys are up, and suspicious of the timing, began to pray against my “illness”. Being still, a tad skeptical of the prevalence of warfare in our lives, I’m the only one surprised that the prayers work. I'm now feeling much better physically (Huh?). They’re curious about what brought on the assault to take me out for the day and begin to ask the questions those who really know you do. I’m caught off guard by yet another “Four Stream” session as God takes me to a younger place… It’s opening night in a theatre with my name on the marquee. A younger man, I’m sitting in a chair on the stage behind the closed curtain in full panic not wanting the curtain to open and confirm my existential terror that no one will be there. Needless to say… tears, counsel, listening prayer, the breaking of deep agreements and God addresses profound fears lodged deep in my soul. Number 49! So… a pattern for our Leadership Retreat is set and we all know… Gary’s up next. He steps up and shares vulnerably his real time struggle and true to form God shows up! Pain, light, deep tears, understanding... agreements are broken, healing begins, hope and heart restored… a profound and intimate kiss from God. WOW! Hours later we drove back home. Exhausted and amazed by God’s heart for us and all that’s unfolding in our lives. It is stunning! The drive went quickly as we talked about Wild at Heart, our staff, our mission, fly fishing, raising kids and the perfect meatball. - Craig McConnell

Craig McConnell

Epic

Welcome! We’re assuming you stopped in because you’ve seen the Epic Podcast (by John Eldredge) and are searching for more – more on the Story, more clarity on your own place in it, perhaps more on how to share this with others. So, if you haven’t seen the Epic Podcast and somehow stumbled onto this page some other way, we recommend starting with the podcast or with reading the book Epic. After all, what you've seen in the podcast is just a preview and a lot of what we offer here won’t make a lot of sense until you’ve read Epic or seen the entire DVD Presentation! Subscribe to the Epic Video Podcast Read the fist chapter of the book Order a copy of the book Order a copy of the Complete DVD Presentaion Throughout the year John sends out newsletters about his recent thoughts and the ministry's recent history. You can sign up to receive our newsletter by creating an online profile here. Enough said. Let’s continue. John wrote Epic primarily to help you share the Story with others--both with Christians still trapped in the religious Matrix and with yet-to-believe folks who might not have a real idea what Christianity is all about. There is so much more to discover in this journey we are taking. More of the beauty of the Gospel to unveil. More of your own story to uncover and understand. More wisdom for the road. More cunning for the Battle. We are constantly learning more, and we ever want to be so. We want to encourage you to go deeper as well. Why, we’ve only scratched the surface! So explore this web site (which we are constantly developing, by the way) we want to point you towards resources that will help you find that “more” you are looking for.

Craig McConnell

How to subscribe to the Wild at Heart Podcast

Whether at home or on the go, you can now access Wild at Heart resources with our podcast. All you have to do is subscribe in order to get new content delivered to your iTunes account. It's as easy as 1-2-3. Walking With God Audio Podcast Instructions: .01 Download iTunes (if you've already got iTunes installed you can skip this step).02 Visit this podcast link .03 Click "Subscribe" Wild at Heart Audio Podcast Instructions:.01 Download iTunes (if you've already got iTunes installed you can skip this step) .02 Visit this podcast link .03 Click "Subscribe" Wild at Heart Video Podcast Instructions: .01 Download iTunes (if you've already got iTunes installed you can skip this step) .02 Visit this podcast link .03 Click "Subscribe" Each time you launch iTunes, the latest episode will automatically be downloaded. You can then store and play these audio files using your iPod device, other portable MP3 player, mobile phone, or computer. Best of all, it's FREE!

Craig McConnell