Hidden Motivation

I can be a very driven man; I set very high standards; I push myself hard. There are certain “rewards” that come along with this way of living: I get a lot done; I can be successful. But that drivenness that the world so often rewards is really quite godless. The motive is horrible. It is born from two sources: it comes out of an early childhood wound of abandonment, and it came out of a very early resolution that said, Fine. I’ll go it alone. It’s a combination of woundedness and sin. It looks fine on the outside, but inside, this cup needs a good bit of scrubbing.

A guy I worked with always loved to pronounce his words very carefully, sometimes using a British pronunciation (though he was from Los Angeles). It had nothing to do with diction; he desperately wanted to be seen as intelligent. Another colleague would always ask, “How are you?” But the truth is he did it so that you would ask him how he was; he wanted to be asked. A third guy in the office was constantly dropping the ball on his projects; he would say, “I’m just not an organized person.” How convenient—it required everyone else to cover for him. How lovely! You get to live irresponsibly and make others carry the load. Friends, there is always a motive to the way we’re living.


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