A Shared Life

 

 

[Sam]   Should you have killed a lion before you commit? Many traditional cultures like the Maasai require a young man to prove himself before he can marry or own land. He needs to "kill a lion", so to speak. It seems wise. What do you think? 

 

[John]   I am a big believer in having a vision for where your life is headed before you get engaged. You don’t have to land the Big Job or own a house first, but when you ask a girl to marry you, what are you inviting her into? A proposal is not just, “Hey — we like hanging out together. Let’s do it 24-7!” (Or more often than not, for committed Christians, “We want to have sex — let’s get married!”) A proposal is an invitation into a shared life—so fellas, what exactly is that life going to be about? That girl has a right to know where you are headed, cowboy, before she just up and rides off with you. Mom and I shared in the adventure of the theater company we were starting; we knew this was the city we wanted to be living in; we loved the church we were committed to; and we had a healthy community around us. I don’t think a young man should marry hoping that once he does everything else will just sort of fall into place. When she broke up with you, Susie insisted that you address your aimlessness. 

 

Back to what we were saying earlier — one firm foundation you do want to have going into a committed relationship is a good sense of your identity. Your fiancée or wife cannot resolve that for you — nor can you for her. This is something you want for both of you — you want your fiancée to have the opportunity to settle some of the deeper issues of her heart and her identity before you marry, and you want some sense of who you are as a man. Now there is grace here; you don’t have to have everything figured out. God loves beginnings. Adam and Eve needed each other to live the life he had for them; so much of the joy of young lovers is discovering together all that God has for you. Don’t picture yourselves as architects coming in with a complete blueprint, but rather as adventurers, trying to decipher a treasure map together.


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